By Jude Levy
90 Degrees and Humidity Like a WALL for the 3rd day in the row.
Yesterday the air conditioner broke; not only in my car but in my home. Typically this would send me down a hole but I decided to try something different.
Inside Voice: Good thing you spent 5 years running and practicing in a hot yoga studio mixed with just pretend you live in Costa Rica.
I convinced myself that I would survive this temporary discomfort.
I removed every piece of clothing, jumped into my bed and scrolled through my sound healing options…The Winner: 888 MHZ Sounds of Abundance.
I wake up sweating dripping wet with a slight cool from the ceiling fan, ahhhh I survived the night with no air conditioner. A little pat on the back. And then the ego took the drivers seat and my whole morning began with overwhelm, stress and anxiety. YUCK
The day of plans I had quickly unraveled and I had to cancel beach plans with a yogi friend visiting from NY. I hated every minute of giving up a day of fun in the sun to deal with adult responsibilities.
I AM OFF BALANCE
Insert Positive Affirmations and Gratitude.
Good Job, Jude
I had just spent a tremendous amount of energy/days on shadow work, inner child healing, reiki, body work and then some. So many seeds had been planted…
Why was I so angry? What is the problem????
I found myself frustrated like a hormonal teenager and what I wanted to do was throw a fit like no one had ever seen. My familiar friend…ANGER was running through my body.
My mind was scrambling…
I screamed out loud “What the Fuck? You are doing everything you are supposed to be doing”
Pity party enters the room
“Why the fuck is this journey so hard? When do you get a day off? Where is the plateau? GRRRRRRR.
Shadow shows up; What am I doing wrong? Why don’t you give yourself any credit.
Inner Child screams: I want to be heard! I need to be seen, spoken to and healed.
My soul spoke louder than all of it.
Silly girl you need to SURRENDER.
A not so gentle reminder from the universe that we are in control of absolutely nothing; except for our breath for as long as our human body allows.
In a frantic manner I was trying to “think” my way out of this…WRONG ANSWER
Oh wait, I have been here before, maybe it’s a good time to ground.
So in the 90 degree humidity, I walked outside barefoot and observed the bumble bees, lizards a butterfly the size of my face landed right in my eyesight. I acknowledged it was my dad, I even said Hello aloud. Even though I knew it was him, I didn’t feel connected in a way that I knew possible.
This wasn’t the right answer…Soul Speaks Louder
I grab 2 sprays of my medicinal THC and sat down in the hammock swing and began praying.
Praying to all my angels, saints and ancestors.
I called on the Divine Mother, Gaia and all the strength of the female energy behind me…especially my grandmothers. I know they are listening.
A light bulb went off, I need asana. It was the one plan I had for today that I didn’t want to abandon. Today was the day…my BRAVE had to show up.
I told my sister…I am going to a yoga class, it’s what I need to survive. Within minutes I signed up for a 30 Day New Student Special at Shine Yoga. I did this without even stepping foot inside the door. That seed was planted 3 weeks ago and I planned to honor it.
(Thank You Robin Maida and Soul Guides)
You see, I have not been inside a yoga studio since March 15, 2020. My body knew it, my soul knew it and my ego had to be pushed aside. The fear was at a whisper, just loud enough for me to hear.
Since I didn’t have a car with AC my sister generously offered to drive me there. I felt like an elementary school kid being dropped off at school for the first time. Immediate gratitude that I didn’t have to do it alone.
I walked in and barely had the chance to take in the space. The teacher introduced herself and asked me if I ever took a yoga class before.
Verbal Diarrhea…Yes, I actually have over 800 Hours of Training.
SHIT I didn’t mean to come across that way. I spent the next few minutes wondering why.
Jackie the teacher told me to grab all the props I needed.
OMG…props??? I never thought I would see the day again. Instant Smile on my face as I grabbed them all and brought them to my mat. GRATITUDE
The first 10 minutes on my mat was spent looking around and wondering how I would do things differently, what I wanted my yoga studio to look like. I begged myself to not judge the class and just enjoy the practice. As an enneagram 8 my typical go to is to take charge, but I surrendered to my mat, it’s what needed to be done.
The first few asanas felt so good in my body. I was reminded of the powerful energy that comes when you connect the breath to movement. And then…the yin shapes began.
I unapologetically allowed tears to flow from me. My physical body was discharging and for the first time in a really long time I took a big Prana-Full Breath. I didn’t care that I was crying in a studio I had never been in. I didn’t even feel embarrassed to ask for the tissue box. I just let the tears FLOW
THEN IT HAPPENED
I felt my right ear ringing and then I heard the sound of the ocean. I remember this sensation of this Nada Sound…it’s where you meet the sound of silence.
I wanted to scream in excitement, but instead I listened.
A channel had opened and my Father was communicating to me and I was communicating back. There is no greater gift than being able to connect to a soul mate that has left their human body.
I told him I missed hearing how proud he was of me and I would do anything to hear that once again. LISTEN
An instrumental version of The Beatle’s song LET IT BE
I HEAR YOU DADDY
TEARS AND MORE TEARS
That song was everything I needed in that moment. He was communicating the only way he knew how. Tears of gratitude, tears of surrender, tears of inner child. I have never been so grateful to cry until this experience.
I MISS YOU DADDY
It all started making sense. I was brave. I chose to surrender.
He let me know the more I slow down, the easier it is to find him.
I Love You Dad
I Love You Yoga Mat
I Love You Yoga
I Love You Little One
The Journey Continues